LOOKS FADE BUT CHARACTER LASTS FOREVER: WHY IMAGE DOESN’T PLAY A HUGE ROLE IN MATCHMAKING
Matchmaking is an effective and refreshing dating strategy because it is so different from how most people approach dating. Unlike dating apps that have you scrolling through dozens (if not hundreds) of pretty faces each day, matchmaking involves you getting to know people based on their character, lifestyle, and values. Character-based, intentional dating is key to building solid, long-term relationships. Here are some more reasons why looks shouldn’t be a determining factor in who you choose to date, and how matchmaking removes the obstacle of image from your dating life.
Beauty is subjective
Our conceptions of beauty are shaped by the white supremacist, patriarchal society that we grew up in; our own individual life experiences; and, our unique brain chemistry. Because you and I have very different brains and totally different life experiences, I do not perceive people’s appearances in the same way you do.
As a matchmaker, it’s my job to put myself in my clients’ shoes - and I’m pretty good at it - but I don’t have the specific neural pathways that you have developed for yourself that determine who you find hot. Many women believe Chris Hemsworth to be the paragon of male beauty; to me he looks like a meaty thumb. That’s why my matchmaking process centers around a more sensible and efficient method of understanding and making educated judgments about someone’s character. For example, if a sense of humor is important to you (and you tell me about your favorite comedians), I can immediately tell within a few minutes of talking to someone whether or not you will also find them funny. Similarly, if you’re very family oriented, I can ask a potential match what their five-year plan is and know with a strong degree of certainty if they’re ready for a family in the near future.
Narrow criteria impedes the matchmaking process
When a client tells me that they want a Zendaya lookalike, it makes my job difficult to the point of impossibility. This means that my matchmaking process is reduced to sizing up women in an attempt to assess who YOU think looks most like Zendaya so I can produce the girlfriend you’re picturing in your mind’s eye. And if and when I do find someone who looks like Zendaya, is she single and would she be into you? Will she also be kind? Or honest? Or any of the other important qualities that make a great partner?
Photos may be worth a thousand words, but they’re not worth much when finding matches
Photos say very little about someone’s character (unless of course they’re doing something in the photo, like running a marathon or fishing). I can tell if someone is reliable, honest, outgoing, spiritual, energetic, or nurturing after having a conversation with them— not by looking at their photo. Scrolling through photos simply leads to more scrolling through photos.
Making judgements about people based on photos detracts from the curiosity and spontaneity that make the dating process fun. It’s so much more interesting when people can surprise you with their humor, their kindness, or their listening skills, especially when you may not have expected to really be into someone because they don’t look like your type.
While I don’t believe in blind dates (you will always see your match before meeting them in person) the final decision for your match is based on internal factors, not appearances. Meeting people based on their inherent qualities makes for an overall more positive and meaningful dating experience.
Looks change, but character is undeniable
Plastic surgery, botox, and other image-enhancing procedures are so commonplace these days that you can meet a person one year and then see them again the next and they look totally different. Same with weight - Ozempic makes it easy for people to drop the pounds and transform their figures in less than a year. So why put a premature end to getting to know someone based on their looks when those looks can change over time? The truth is, character is undeniable and more difficult to alter. It’s very clear to me after talking to someone in depth for an hour what their values are and what they seek in life - two characteristics that are significant indicators of who someone truly is. You have to experience someone in action and in conversation to determine whether or not they’re right for you.
