A MATCHMAKER REVIEWS “The Materialists”: FACTS AND FICTION ABOUT MATCHMAKING
The Global Love Institute polled its matchmakers about their opinion on the film. Eighty-five percent found that the film misrepresented matchmaking. And there’s good reasons why.
This summer, matchmaking hit the big screens with Celine Song’s second directorial venture, The Materialists. Set in modern-day New York City, the film examines how Lucy, a matchmaker played by Dakota Johnson, applies her matchmaking philosophy to her own life as she navigates a love triangle between the wealthy and handsome Harry, and the equally handsome, but less financially stable, John.
For Lucy, matchmaking is similar to being an insurance claims adjuster or a mortician: both professions whittle down human life into basic categories like height, weight, eye color, occupation, education, and age. In other words, the aspects of a person that can be quantified and organized for the purposes of finding compatible partners for clients.
Will Lucy choose the “unicorn,” Harry, who scores ideal points in all areas - income, education, and physical appearance - or, move forward with John, a struggling actor and cater waiter who lives with roommates?
As the film explores this question, it presents some issues related to the practice of matchmaking that should be cleared up. Here are a few issues with the film that matchmakers quibble with, and one aspect of the film that does indeed hit home.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD
Matchmaking is a Human-Centered Process, not a Math Equation
The Materialists depicts several scenes that matchmakers are sure to recognize. When Lucy talks with clients to learn about their preferences and relationship goals, the conversations veer into superficial territory as clients list requirements like “must make over $500,000 per year,” “must be over six feet tall,” and “can’t be more than 30 years old.”
According to these clients’ prescriptive logic, a single 40-year old man with a high income, fancy car, and athletic build is more valuable than a man of the same age who only makes 80K per year and rides the bus to work. The film presents the singles market as a competition amongst women for the tallest, wealthiest, most attractive men; and a competition amongst men for the youngest and most beautiful women.
While it’s true that clients often approach matchmakers with a laundry list of specifications like those mentioned above, most matchmakers press clients to consider intangible qualities – like kindness, sense of humor or adventure, a desire to raise a family, a passion for travel or activism – that they need in a long-time partner.
When Lucy herself is faced with the prospect of a long-term relationship with Harry, the seemingly perfect man that checks all the boxes both she and her clients are looking for, she realizes that there’s something missing. It’s that “something” that matchmakers are always on the hunt for: the possibility of chemistry between two people who share common values, interests, and life goals.
The truth is, someone’s value as a partner cannot be narrowed down to dry categories like income, education level, height, or weight. The Materialists exposes the market value thinking that informs today’s dating scene, and how this mindset can make a relationship feel more like a business deal than a romance.
Matchmaking is Designed to Keep Clients Safe
A major plot point in the film involves a client, Sophie, who gets sexually assaulted by a match that Lucy sets her up with. Matchmakers do not attend dates with their clients, so they cannot step in when a situation becomes dangerous - rather, clients sign contracts in which they declare that they will treat matches with respect and maintain safe, respectful environments.
Matchmakers do, however, conduct background checks on clients and matches to ensure that both parties represent themselves honestly and don’t have criminal backgrounds. This added safety measure sets matchmaking apart from dating apps, which have grown a reputation for being hotbeds of not only catfishing and scams, but also for creating opportunities for strangers to exploit or abuse each other.
In the real world, if the match who sexually assaulted Sophie had a criminal background, he likely would not be allowed to meet her in the first place, and the matchmaker may drop him as a client. Matchmakers abide by a code of conduct to ensure the safety and security of clients and matches.
The Importance of Feeling Valued
In the beginning of the film, Lucy confronts a former client who gets cold feet at her own wedding. Lucy convinces the reluctant bride to move forward with a wedding because she convinces the bride to reveal what attracts her to her fiancee: the fact that he makes her feel valued. Now, in this particular scene, this feeling of “value” is rooted in the bride’s jealousy towards her sister, but there is a relationship truth behind this scene.
Every person is inherently valuable simply because they’re a human being. When you remove superficial factors like weight, height, income, education level, all you have left is a human with insecurities, ambitions, talents, and dreams who accepts you for who you are.
Feeling valued has nothing to do with how wealthy, successful, or educated your partner is. Inside the complex world of a couple, with all of its ups and downs, one partner can help the other partner feel valued through simple words and actions, like bringing your partner dinner after working a long day, or writing a sweet note of inspiration before a big presentation. None of these actions require a high net worth or perfect physique (so they’re also not easy-to-check boxes when listing dating requirements), but they are important in making a relationship work.
Ultimately, Lucy chooses a man who makes her feel valued, rather than the man who demonstrates the most dating market value, and we as matchmakers strive to guide our clients in choosing the same.
