THE ONE CHARACTER TRAIT THAT CAN IMPROVE YOUR DATING LIFE

At some point we all get the question: “what do you want to do with your life?” And, at some point, we struggle to answer. But those who have a clear vision for their purpose in life are more likely to attract potential partners and establish a healthy relationship. 

According to a 2023 research study published in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, a person’s sense of purpose plays a role in perceived potential relationship quality and attraction. The study observed how single college students reacted to dating profiles that highlighted either a specific kind of purpose, or none at all. The dating profiles that mentioned a stronger sense of life purpose were rated more favorably than the profiles that made no mention of purpose. 

What is “purpose” and how does it show up in dating?

The study’s authors categorized four types of “life purpose” orientations: relationship, prosocial, creative, and financial. The relationship orientation describes people whose purpose in life involves starting a family, maintaining strong friendships, and growing close relationships with others. The prosocial orientation identifies people who prioritize community engagement, activism, and helping others. The creative orientation identifies people who are dedicated to creating something new and original for the world. The financial orientation describes someone who believes that money, career success, and recognition are most important in life. 

These purpose orientations are sometimes easy to identify in dating app profiles based on how people answer prompts like “A life goal of mine,” “I geek out on,” or “The one thing you should know about me is.” Based on how they answer, it’s clear to see how their purpose falls into one of those four orientations. 

But what they study shows is that dating profiles that mentioned any one of three purposes - relationship, creative, and prosocial - were rated more desirable than profiles that highlighted financial purpose or no purpose at all. 

The Effect of Low Sense of Purpose

If you’re not sure where you’re going in life or what you want, you may have trouble finding a potential partner. A sense of purpose gives potential matches a good idea of who you are as a person and what dating you would be like. For example, dating someone with a strong prosocial sense of purpose would likely involve taking time for volunteering on the weekends or attending a demonstration or charity event. Similarly, someone who emphasizes a financial orientation to their sense of purpose may signal to potential matches that they would prioritize a work meeting over spending time with family. 

Including some mention of a sense of purpose in your dating profile, or discussing it on a first date, helps potential matches envision what life with you would be like and how they may fit into it. 

How do I incorporate a sense of purpose into my dating life?

If you have found a strong sense of purpose, you’re in good shape to start dating because your life’s purpose acts like a filter for choosing the right partner. It can help you identify potential partners that will understand and respect your purpose orientation. Individuals with a strong sense of purpose not only appear to be more desirable to potential matches, they also have a built-in filtering system to prevent bad matches from going too far. 

A strong sense of purpose – whether it’s your goal to become a cardiologist or open up your own salon – provides the foundation for how you move through life, which is important to know before you find a partner who will come along for the ride. If you have a sense of purpose, you will likely avoid people who don’t because they won’t have much to offer you.  

If you haven’t quite discovered where your purpose orientation is pointing towards (relationship, creative, financial, or prosocial) then take some time to reflect on what’s important to you and what gives you the spark to get out into the world each day. Once you’ve hit upon something that grabs your interest and invites your investment, it’s a good time to consider how to make it a larger part of your life that you can eventually share with a partner.